The Californian Garmo Lives Life

My Life as a gay Armenian-American living in California.

A change of heart August 25, 2008

Filed under: education — thecaligarmo @ 10:00 pm
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So I’ve wanted to be a teacher for a while. In fact, I knew I wanted to be a math teacher since the ripe old age of 8. This happened due to my falling in love with math and teachers in my second grade year at my first ever public school. Since then, I have worked hard to achieve my goal of becoming a teacher. There have always been the random flings here and there that never amount to anything such as drama or dance, but I am now getting into a fling that is much more than a fling. It not only has a full set of devotion behind it, but also the intellectual curiosity that seems to keep growing in me.

Now for me this is a new concept, changing paths. Once I lay down a path I usually go for it with all of my heart and don’t stop on the way, but this time it’s different. As I’ve started my credentialling program, I’ve been having a serious case of change of heart. It seems every second day I am finding more and more reasons why I no longer want to become a math teacher. Why maybe the goal I set out so long ago couldn’t foretell that I would grow up and want something more out of life. Todays thought is that teaching doesn’t feel like a real job. I know you are working over 12 hours a day, but you make so little money you can’t afford to do anything with it. So, y mind begins to wonder.

The hard part is mainly comes from my Armenian side. We are a very stubborn people and it’s difficult for me to let things go. My intellectual side helps me out with this as my brain can control my instinct so that I don’t do stupid things all the times, as tends to be the case with many Armenians. So my stubborness is telling me to just stay with the program. That I basically chose it and so I should stick with it to the end. Finish the credential year, then finish my masters year, then work as a teacher directly after without any break in my life at all. The intellectual side of me is pleading for more knowledge. My credentialling program is feeding me nothing. I have yet to feel like I am learning anything. I feel like I sit in boring class after boring class learning stuff the common human already knows. I want to go out there and learn stuff. The amount of math and physics and computer science that I can be learning instead of sitting on my butt ‘learning’ about education is astronomical. I could have written a whole book about mathematics in this amount of time. And I know that cause I’ve done it.

So what do I do? Do I let my intellectual curiosity take over and leave the program to enter the real world in order to quench my thirst for knowledge? Or do I stick with my plan from so long ago, and be the stubborn Armenian I am, and just live with it, and accept that this is life?

-The Cali Garmo